Hey Queen,

Can we put an end to money being a taboo topic? Financial stress weighs heavier than most other stressors so we NEED support here, but how can we get it if we don’t have transparent conversations free of shame or pride? I see people speak openly on the matter once the burden has been lifted and they’ve created a clearing for themselves with bigger numbers and fancy things, but today we will step into that same clearing regardless of what the bank account reads. Whatever you’re going through, know you’re not alone and that it’s easy to appear luxurious from afar. This is where we lean in closer.

If you feel compelled, please share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments below <3 

The airplanes glide so smoothly through the puffy clouds drifting through the sky. The hawks float effortlessly in the blue, twisting and turning gently as if they’re following an invisible trail. Just yesterday I felt free like them. Hell, this morning I felt free like them. 

Money talk presses buttons within me like an elevator panel; they light up one by one and do not shut off with a ding until I go within to visit the places they’ve called me to. It’s tax season and today I told my accountant that the business broke even last year. That’s never happened before. After that I paid $203 for the LLC’s annual report. This used to feel like an honor, but today it felt like a burden. How was year five so much harder than year one? Where did I go wrong? 

They say entrepreneurship is a roller coaster and right now I’m waiting for another ascent full of anticipation and giddiness. I’m waiting for the tipping point, a breakthrough. I’m waiting, waiting, waiting. I hate when people say, “I’m waiting for things to get better.” The world does not work like that. Make it better. Break the cycle. Choose better. With that being said, we all know this process is a bit more complex than that, especially in regards to money. Let’s talk about it. 

I operated with a lack mindset unknowingly until age 22 when I became aware enough to initiate change. I grew up cornered by narratives of scarcity and financial worry like a tree in the dark, frightening forest in Snow White. Voices whispering “what if…” lingered in the air there and the sunshine only came in glimpses when the distractions were big enough to forget about all the necessities I lacked. Replanting myself outside of this forest of doom was a complex process that took years, and I still have days like today where I find myself right back in the middle of it.

I’ve read the money mindset books, listened to the podcasts and practiced affirmations. I’ve dug up my past experiences and re-lived the moments my father lost his temper over ten dollars and watched me cry over a dentist bill at age 20 with an apathetic stare. But no matter how big or small the numbers became, I felt an insatiable yearning for freedom because in this process I let the idea of “success” intertwine with my identity like invasive vines wrapping tightly around a tree trunk. Suffocated. 

My coach Erin and I worked to unravel those vines graciously for months, which were longer and stronger than I could have imagined. As a result of many vulnerable and determined moments, I could finally see the light… and I was ready to get the fuck out of that forest. I wanted a wide open space where my roots could spread and my fruit could blossom and I could live freely the way I knew I was meant to. But knowing that I was worthy of freedom from financial stress wasn’t enough, I needed to start living it. 

I started living it by putting my phone away and staring at the sky instead of breaking my neck to see what everyone else is doing. I started breathing more deeply and watching my dogs play for more than a moment at a time. I started using all my time instead of letting it float by, because as it turns out, it only takes 3 minutes and 44 seconds to dance through a scarcity spiral, and 30 minutes to sweep some paint across a canvas the way I’ve wanted to for the last 6 years. As it turns out, being present and enjoying life does not take time, it expands time. 

Over and over I use small acts of joy as a vehicle to my gifts, curiosities and purpose. This is where I reunite with my true identity, which has always been free from money and success. When I take hold of this freedom, my nervous system regulates and my core muscles release their grip on my intestines so I can breathe again. I look around and see opportunity twinkling and beckoning me. Here money is not just sufficient but an abundant resource that I am equally worthy of, like rain. The world bends and reaches to assist me when I am absorbed in the joy of life, living beings and divine hands work together harmoniously because they want this tree to grow. 

Here I can see that money isn’t a problem, but a project. When we see money as a problem to be solved, we feel pressured to get it right. We start looking to others for the correct answer and the anxiety takes over because we don’t get to check the box and be done… like taking a never ending test. When we see money as a project, our creativity is ignited and we recognize the value of collaboration and trial and error. We can enjoy it because this process is supposed to be different from everyone else’s and we are supposed to refine and change as we learn. There is freedom and fun in a project, which becomes a very conducive space for money to flourish. 

So when you feel the weighted blanket of financial stress lay heavy upon your shoulders, remember that a “problem mindset” will keep you in the dark forest, tangled in vines and longing for the sun. A “project mindset” will transplant you into a wide open space where you can receive divine help and grow with ease in the warmth. But above all else, let’s all make a pact to stay grounded in the truth that money never had a place within our souls to begin with. It sits extraneously across the room from our worth and identity, holding an entirely different role in life; one of comfort and pleasure, not happiness or peace. 

We are free with it, and we are free without it. 

Let’s be free now.

Xo ~ Kari